On the Fritz

This is still a bad day. I sleep late around 3:55 dawn and woke up at 10am with a large eyebags.haha. I can't help myself thinking of something..perhapjavascript:void(0)s him? I wanna know what he was doing at this moment, how's him? God! Ok I admit, I'm just pretending to be fine.. I laugh so hard yet deep inside me, pieces are broken,shattered, cracked, smashed, damaged, ruined, destroyed, wrecked..! Whatever you wanna call it, the worst of the worst!! Am I too emotional? Well you can't blame me. If you were to put yourself on my shoes I know you'd feel the same or much more with it. I lost my communication with him for quiet a week now then just last hour he pm'd. I just don't know what to say. I'm not that comfortable to talk to him now that he's starting to become cold to me. It's normal. Or it wasn't? I really don't know what to do especially when he asked how am I doing. I damn wanted to answer him back, "still loving you in silence".... But you know what I replied? "OK lhan".. EEEeer sucks! Now you know how stupid I am!! I was trying to get away from him, I mean make some distance. And demmit, I'm starting it now. But I guess you already know what my heart really tells. I'm just pretending to be fine.. Pretending that it's not hurting me. But the truth is... [better not continue]*bust. I'm starting to smashed up, die little by little. The worst enemy I had at this moment is myself! My old damn self!! Fighting back what I feel that despite of what happened, I'm still, deeply continuing to love him. But the thing I was afraid to hear from him is his refusal for this love I'm willing to give, only for him. I don't wanna talk about who made the mistake, who initiated. All I want now is a peace of mind and perhaps acceptance? Maybe not. I just don't know. Sorry of being so emotional. I'm just bursting my feelings out coz I can't handle the pain anymore. Papa Jesus Help me pls. And before I end my emotional post, I just wanna share to you this quote:

Someone asked me, "are you not tired of gettin hurt by someone you love?" I replied, "I still can handle it". "Til when?", he asked. I just smiled and said, "Until he gets tired of hurting me"

Kinda attached to that quote eh? *wallbash. Btw, I'll just add more before I finally end this ranting of mine, this eve I saw Kua Pen2x at the bbq stand. He was the one who accommodated us while we were on Manila with our teacher and my vice-pres to attend Leadership Training. Seeing him around[kua pen2] just reminded me of him (< /3 ) when we met last September,4. Complicated? eer, it's a long story, you wouldn't mind reading it then. *grin. But to make it short, him and I met at the terminal going to Baguio with my teacher and were just pretending to be friends when in fact we're really lovers that time coz it's forbidden for me to have a boyfie yet. So that was it! See? Almost all things I encounter reminds me of him. Now tell me how can I make myself stop loving him when he's all I think and prayed to be with every minute? Hayz.